eddie izzard definite article transcript

(swinging from high to low) 4 pence a pound!

People say, “Would you like to explain, Mr. Prime Minister, why everything’s gone wrong with something or other?” And you always get someone that says, “Well, if you remember 20 years ago… I wasn’t there, so it’s not my fault.” And then you sit down, and everyone backs you up behind you, going “Toilet paper!
It’s very expensive…”, And you go, “But it looks quite nice, a wall of fruit on the front steps…” So you say, “All right, give me some apples and some oranges and stuff,” and they always reach behind to this fruit graveyard… “Just let me add some fruit here… there we go. ”That’s the big bang! No one can live at that speed!”. ”Kelvin?” ”It’s fucking freezing outside, Dad.” ”None of your physics jokes!” ”All sons have physics jokes, Dad.” ”They groaned at that, you realise? ”They didn’t cut my head off but they nailed me to a tree for three days.” ”Well, l’m sorry, I didn’t…” ”You knew all the time! Lie down! If you have to carry a cross around, we know that the cross works, okay; but if the tops gets knocked off, it’s a T-sign- does that work? Every week, the same sort of script-thing. Thank you. Supposed to be the Spanish Casual Chat.

I would if he was around. Can we get the measuring jar back when you’re finished?” It’s very weird! There we go.

Yes, advertising… Because I’ve been looking at it, and I’ve realized that certain people in the advertising area are being paid huge wads of cash in brown bags in order to subtly adjust our minds. You sort of played with the metric system like this… But… And because of that this machine went… All the little technological things in that thing to Mars going, ”Wasn’t that our turning?” So anyway, there’s the big-bang theory, everything exploded, we’re expanding, then it’s gonna contract and do it again. But they had a French name, it gave them a certain je ne sais quoi. Run! Izzard has cited his main comedy role model as Monty Python, and John Cleese once referred to him as the "Lost Python". I’ll put it in the garage.

You’ve got to film if you go up there, it’s very strange.”, “We nevertheless wish to go to Castle Dracula, though. There should have been many more settings, not just kill or stun. Pole vault, they’ve got to get that pole and throw it over the bar. ”in California…” Oh, fuck. ”Just let the blind down. ”I didn’t know that.

Good link, eh? They had a run of Piuses, it went like Hollywood.

His comedic style takes the form of rambling, whimsical monologue, and self-referential pantomime. Why not?”. Bloke in a dress!” (cackling) “Bloke in a dress!” (resumes cackling) “I told him! And by the end of the millennium, you’ll probably find that you’re dead. But birds do amazing things- every Winter they fly South, for their holidays, and they don’t get permission, they do it by ESP.
Stevens?”, (campy cockney) “Yes, sir? That’s what you wear to the launderette, that’s why you’ve gone to the launderette, because you’ve got nothing left! “Fucking ‘ell..! In 2009, he completed 43 marathons in 51 days for Sport Relief despite having no prior history of long-distance running.

This is Agatha, Tabitha and Bagatha… Name’s a bit weird, but there you go.”, “Well, I wouldn’t go to Castle Dracula if I were you, sir. I believe they’re philosophies with some fucking weird ideas.

He has also worked as a voice actor in The Wild, Igor, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, Cars 2 and The Lego Batman Movie.

3:51 PREVIEW Supermarkets. People who are philosophers write their ideas down on how the world works, and you can pick and choose.

And chaos theory, I like it because shit happens, yeah?

”What do you think, Samantha?” ”I don’t really like the sound of him.” ”Monkey see, monkey do.” ”Yes.” ”I think he’s more monkey do.” So what I thought is you give a gun to a monkey and let him into Charlton Heston’s house, lock the doors and then film it through the window.

No one’s thrown a banjo to a tiger. Oh…” ‘Cause people want to go, “Oh, you are a transvestite, “ and if you say, “No, I’m not,” and deny it, then they go, “Ah! Even the IRA are saying, [Irish accent] ”We don’t want any more guns in Northern Ireland now.” They’ve been doing the Agreement for ages, do you get this on…?

”All right, go on.” ”As I was saying…” ”Do your real voice!” [High-pitched] ”My real voice is a bit weird.” ”All right, do the James Mason.” ”Well, OK. ”So if it’s crap, it’s not my fault? But I don’t know what you’re talking about.” All right, forget that. Follow Steve, the bird!” They all shoot up in formation, but they don’t go to Greece for a couple of days; they just fly ‘round and ‘round, and ‘round, and ‘round; there must be 60 birds back in formation, doing this (mimes flapping wings and walking around) who must be going, “Who the fuck is flying this year? Science fiction writers write it down, then it becomes films and it all comes to pass. ”They’re drowning? That’s the trick. (mimes waking up startled), As human beings, we think ourselves pretty damn groovy. So, er, hi, welcome to New York.

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